FLOP

open house -- one person showed. that sucked a bit. i know its only been on the market for two weeks but it seems longer. every morning i do this ritual and send energy out into the universe asking the powers that be to sell the house by a certain date. i know in my heart it will happen. found a program for Boy Pane to go into. Its suppose to help with the anxiety issues. i hope so. i so just want him to be happy.

cold sweat

it is so amazing how your body reacts to stress. you can be totally whacked out, walking around telling everyone your fine but your not. you know this because of your regular waking moments at the wee hours of the morning and the cold sweat rolling off your body. for the last few weeks i have been feeling this way. and now to top off my stress, money that i thought would be mine -- is no longer. i was counting on the money and now i have to find plan b or is this plan c ? not really sure anymore. i know that moving is still the right thing and i knew there would be difficulties. i just need a small reprieve for a bit and then i will be FINE once more.

Temper Tantrum

I understand 3 year olds. yesterday Boy Pane did burnt a hole in the kitchen counter top. well to be exact he dropped something hot and it made the counter bubble up and crack -- small yes, but a hole nevertheless. i can't begin to tell the expletives that exited my mouth, not to mention i was stomping and crying and yelling -- yes i was throwing a temper tantrum. i was tired. i have worked so hard for weeks now, not nearly enough sleep and then when i asked him about it he had the audacity to say, "what counter?" WHAT!!!!! well i am better now. and i will have to replace the counter in order to sell the house. but yesterday i was 3 all over again!

Ode to Basquiat

Today, met with my realtor -- who is great by the way. As we walked around taking pictures we came to my brick wall. The wall when i bought the house was painted some not so attractive color. so my good friend-- The Artist-- and i painted my favorite Basquiat painting on the wall. well, i need to paint over my painting which i love, but realize that the person buying may not love it. So here it is, my ode to basquiat

moments

today, while cleaning i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and stopped. i looked at myself and all around the room that not a few months ago i had excited in my ability to fix up -- patching holes, painting, getting light fixtures put in place-- and within a few months i will no longer be here. it's interesting, how different thoughts can stand out more or less and at various moments. i smiled at myself enjoying the thought and my accomplishment. what will the next moment bring....

First of many

so here is the first posting. let's catch up. we have come a long way since january. in february i made contact with school districts in tucson and found the school that i knew i would feel good about teaching there. i went there, visited the school (along with other schools-- just to make sure) and knew that this was the right move. whatever weight that had been on my shoulders was no longer there. here were the issues: getting the job before my contract in st. louis was due, making sure this was the right move for my 14 year old son and selling my house. well, i have the job and told my boss before my contract was due. my son is on board, although i still have worries due to issues we have been working on for the last 5 years (depression, anger and normal teen stuff). my biggest worry is the one that makes me wake at the same time every night in a cold sweat. i have to sell my house. anyone want to buy a house?